Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
