I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
