she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
