i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
