Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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