Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
