My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
