i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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