Need sex. Gaining weight.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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