A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
