Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
