There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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