glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
