the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
