Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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