Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
