am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
