His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
