She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
