you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
