I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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