u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
