My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just pee around me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
