Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
