We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
