did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
