she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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