Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
