I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i now understand why vodka
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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