You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
