So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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