you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
