DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
