It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
