I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
