I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
