Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
