I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
