Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
my god I love twenty year old dicks
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
