I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
