Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
