you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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