I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
it glows. i had to have it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
