i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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