ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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