But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
