Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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