i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
