So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
