Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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