My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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