what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
