and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
