New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
