that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I smell stomach acid.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And then my night got REAL pukey
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
