the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
